To start out, we had a great time at National Night Out last night. A bunch of neighbors got together to BBQ and have fun with eachother, and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was nice to sit and relax on a warm summer evening and chat with friends and neighbors while watching the kiddos run around and splash around on the water slide. I didn't take any pictures, unfortunately, but actually it was kind of nice to just sit and relax instead of running around with my camera :).
A couple months ago I heard about a weight loss study for Vbloc, which is an experimental device and process where they surgically implant leads that attach to your vagal nerve. You then wear an external device that gets turned on and off intermittently to block "hunger" impluses that are sent to your brain. The trials so far have had good success, and I'm very interested to see what happens with this study. Brent and I both qualified on paper for the study, and we both attended an informational meeting a month or so ago. One of the requirements for the study is that you can't have a friend or relative that is also participating in the study, so we knew that only one of us would be able to do it. I had also been told be 2 doctors (including the one in charge of the Vbloc study) that in my situation he recommended Gastric Bypass instead of "messing around" with an experimental study. It was recommended because of my age and the fact that Gastric Bypass would likely immediately "cure" my diabetes. In other words, I needed to fix it NOW. So... the decision was made to have Brent go forward with the Vbloc study and I would pursue Gastric Bypass. He has surgery scheduled for later this month.
So... I went to an informational meeting yesterday afternoon on Gastric Bypass (and the lap band too) and I'm more wary and confused than ever. I knew it would be a huge lifestyle change, but I really had no clue how huge it would be. Hearing all the changes that I would have to make also made me realize how incredibly much my life is impacted by food. I love food. I love serving food. I love baking food. I love the taste of food. I am so sad at the prospect that so much of that part of my life will have to change dramatically if I move forward with this. But I also know that all needs to change anyways if I want to live a long and healthy life.
But I am also scared. I was diagnosed with diabetes at age 30. I SUCK at managing it. I don't have the discipline to manage it. I KNOW that the long term effects of diabetes are horrible, but that hasn't made me change my habits. But, while Gastric Bypass would probably "cure" it, the time, effort, and discipline needed for it to be effective seems so daunting to me. I'm not sure that I can do it. I'm not sure that I WANT to do it, and that SUCKS because I know the consequences :(. My mom died way too young and I had to grow up without her. The idea that I could be on the road to doing the same thing to MY kids... breaks my heart! Why isn't that enough to kick me in the ass and make the changes that I need to make?
I am terrified that I will go through it, and then just learn how to cheat and gain all the weight back. I know that happens with lots of people. I'm terrified that I could be the 1 in 200 for the mortality rate for bariatric surgery.
It's not that I haven't tried to lose weight. I have, but have never found a lifestyle that I can maintain long term, I always gain it back. It's been about 4 years since I've lost any significant amount of weight, which was around the time that I started having thyroid problems. I wonder if I use that as an excuse... but I'm scared of trying to lost the weight on my own again, the thought of all that effort and not seeing any results is terrifying to me.
And to tell the truth... I'm afraid that I will lose JUST enough weight to lower my BMI below the threshold where I qualify for Gastric Bypass! How horrible is that???
Obviously I'm not ready yet... but I'm going to fill out the paperwork and send it in and see where it goes. Part of the process is a psychiatric evaluation, and hopefully we'll get me sorted out there...
If anyone has any experience with gastric bypass or other weight loss remedies, please sound out!
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3 comments:
I can relate to so many of the things you have said in this post, Angela. If feels like I've struggled with my weight for my entire life and it gets so frustrating to be thinking of it constantly.
I have a friend from my bookclub who had one of the procedures (either bypass or lapband) done about a year ago; and she has had wonderful results. Let me know if you want to contact her - I know she'd be more than happy to chat with you.
Hang in there...
I too can relate. I LOVE food, and turn to it way too often for comfort. I have lost lots of weight in my life (including over 100 lbs at one point), only to gain it all back. I have briefly considered the surgery, but am not ready to give up my beloved pleasures and also fear I'd find a way to "cheat". My SIL had the surgery a few years ago. She has been quite successful and has not had the problems some face. Although she also does not like many of the foods people have a problem giving up. But she has managed to limit the foods she loves. Let me know if you want her email address - I know she'd be very willing to talk to you about it.
Hey, It's Peg - Joan's sister-in-law. My Sister had gastric bypass done about a year and a half ago and she has had wonderful results. I think she has lost about 115 pounds and is no longer diabetic and doesn't have high blood pressure anymore either. I would do it in a heart beat if we had the extra money
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